What to Text Him When He Bails on You

 

Few feelings compare to the one you get when the guy you’re dating walks out on you. On the one hand, you want to be the cool, collected lady who is “completely fine” with him canceling on you. On the other hand, you want to express your displeasure with him, even if his reason for flaking is perfectly justified.

What do you text him when this happens, is the main question here. This is a make-or-break moment, even if you don’t recognize it.

Consider Yourself in His Position

Consider this scenario: you have arrangements with a man, and your best friend calls you hours before you’re supposed to meet him. Her car has broken down in the middle of nowhere, the nearest tow truck is closed, and she is stranded.

You agree to go rescue her because you’re a wonderful friend. This, however, necessitates the cancellation of your arrangements. When you message the man you’re supposed to meet, you realize how ridiculous your excuse for not making it sounds, but you go with it anyway because it’s the truth.

Now consider the following scenario.

He responds to your text with the following:

You’ll be swooning and wishing you could spend the night with him after reading this kind of message.

OR he texted you back and said:

When you read this message, you immediately become defensive, and you can’t believe what a selfish jerk he is. You probably don’t want to see this guy down the street, because why would you? What’s difficult about this type of reaction is that you can’t always tell what he’s saying. Is he being obnoxious, or is he truly surprised by what you’ve said? Are there any passive-aggressive undertones here?

Because it’s so difficult to read tone in texts, make sure the ones you’re sending him are crystal clear and upbeat, the kind of messages that will make him want to meet you again and possibly make him feel awful about bailing.

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Relax and Unwind.

This means that, regardless of how you’re feeling, you shouldn’t respond with an emotional or passive-aggressive response.

Do not urge him to reconsider, no matter how much you think he is being inconsiderate. Instead, take a few moments to calm yourself and remember that while it may seem like the end of the world right now, it isn’t.

Keep it Positive

The second step is to compose a pleasant text message informing him that it’s alright if he can’t make it tonight — again, this is easier said than done, especially when you’re unhappy.

So, why do you want him to believe you don’t mind if he bails? There are two explanations for this.

The first is that it demonstrates to him that you have other things on your mind. Thus his inability to see you isn’t a huge concern. Instead, you’ll be content to go on without him.

The second argument is that it demonstrates your maturity and comprehension. The type of guy who understands that life gets in the way of other plans from time to time, and that’s perfectly fine. Unlike the type of woman that loses her mind when things don’t go as planned, because no man wants to be with such a woman!

He’ll not only appreciate your maturity in the face of the circumstance, but even if he believes his reasons for quitting are valid, he understands there’s still a risk you’ll be upset or angry with him. When you relieve him of this worry or anxiety by reassuring him that you’re fine with him bailing, he’ll WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!

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What Should Your Text Say?

Now, there are three components to the actual message you’ll be sending him when it bails.

The first section informs him that it’s alright if he cancels on you; the second section informs him that you’ll be busy for the next several days, and the third section wishes him well.

You could be asking where you got the idea to remark “you’re busy for the next few days” and why you should say it.

So, bear with me. It’s critical that you state otherwise, even if you have nothing planned for the next few days. Giving the idea that your life is full and exciting is vital because it will make you seem intriguing and make him want to be a part of your wonderful lifestyle. It will also show him that you aren’t waiting for him to call because you’re way cooler than that!

He might even believe that if he doesn’t respond quickly enough, you’ll meet someone else who will sweep you off your feet.

Take the Power Back

So, no matter how tempted you are to reschedule with him for the next day, it’s critical that you work a bit more to get here, and that you keep yourself occupied with anything else. This implies that you should make other plans and go out and do something.

Don’t claim to have an exciting evening planned only to laze around doing nothing. Instead, find something to do so that when you do meet up with him, you’ll have something to talk about. Make him wait at least 48 hours after canceling on you before meeting him, according to a rule of thumb I like to recommend. This will pique his curiosity and keep you on his mind.

The “calm and cool” text

As a result, when you text him after he abandons you, your message should read something like:

You can include it in your message if he provides you a particular explanation for not being able to visit you. Let’s say he informs you he won’t be able to make it because he forgot about his uncle’s surprise party. Here’s what you’d say:

The “last straw” text

It’s still crucial to keep your message upbeat if you’ve decided you don’t want to reschedule with him and that he’s bailing on you was the final straw in your eyes. You don’t have to tell him you’re fed up with him and his excuses, no matter how much you want to. Send a brief message instead:

The “break the cycle” text

Finally, if this guy has a history of bailing on you at the last minute but you still want to make things work between the two of you, you should express your disappointments to him in a positive manner.

I know I said to keep your cool, but I get it, there’s only so much you can take when your calm, collected manner is taken for granted.

Send him a message to let him know that his constant flakiness isn’t working for you. You could say anything along the lines of:

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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